Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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