Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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