i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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