He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
