Do you still have your period?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
