dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
