my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
