we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
