I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
