My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
