I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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