I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
