Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
