you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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