dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
