so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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