New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
