only if we run a train.
done.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
