No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
