First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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