I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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