OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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