apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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