I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
