how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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