Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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