Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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