i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
