Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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