this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
