I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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