Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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