actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize