Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
