News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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