Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
