So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
