so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize