ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
