dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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