She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
