farters have to be the big spoon...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
