She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
