Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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