Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
