he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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