Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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