i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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