college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everclear isn't food dammit
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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