i permit you to call me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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