I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
