at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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