Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize