life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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