I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
