I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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