Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
