What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
