Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
