I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
