a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Where are you guys?
Drunk
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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