They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
