Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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