I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
