I wanna passion pit in your ass
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
