after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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