Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
