Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize