Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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