My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
