He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
