She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
