OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
