I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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